Baby, It's Cold Outside
by Xonze
Summary: She kissed him. She hadn't meant to, it just sort of happened. Then she gave him a ride home because the snow was horrible and buses and cabs had mostly stopped running.  A Christmas tale, enjoy.
1. No Cabs To Be Had Out There

**A/N: Skip if you like.**

The tradition had been started many years ago, and renewed the years since, but this year… this year Xonze needed to continue it. He'd been looking forward to it since the beginning of the month, not because of it being his birthday, that could pass without much notice. It was the Christmas joy that he could bring with one of his stories that made him slightly happy at the thought. It was why he had started it when he was fourteen and continued it until this day.

He still had a lot of work to do, and his readers would be showing anytime now, but he wasn't worried. Things always had a way of working themselves out, especially during the holidays. It was a time for miracles, wasn't it?

He relaxed back into his chair and sighed, his hand against the head of one of his dogs. It had been a hell of a year. He didn't accomplish everything had wanted, but he had done enough and his fan fiction of Castle was, for reasons he never quiet understood, enjoyed by many. Those were the things that he focused on, not the trouble, not the bad things, but that he brought at least a little happiness (intermixed with some worry, it was a story after all) to people all over.

That's what made the tradition continue.

The door bell rang and his two dogs absolutely flipped out, barking up a storm. He laughed and went to the door. Outside the snow was falling gently, laying across the land like a blanket of white. His readers all smiled when he opened the door and he smiled back.

"Glad you could all make it!" He called as he ushered them in. "There's food in the dinning room and after you eat and drink we'll get to the story."

His reader's clapped and Xonze couldn't help but smile as he led them through the house.

An hour later they were all in his study, sitting on chairs and couches with drinks in hand and dogs begging at their knees. He grinned as he pulled down a bound book from the bookshelf and sat in his chair by the fire.

"It's that time again," he said as he cracked open the book. "It's another Christmas tale with our favorite duo. I hope you enjoy it."

And he began.

**End A/N**

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

**No Cabs To Be Had Out There**

In the weeks leading up to Christmas the bullpen took on the air of a Christmas song. Garland hung from every crevice and wall, held up by tape and tack. Strings of lights shined little bulbs of color, some even blinking. A tree had been placed in the corner, replacing a filing cabinet for a few weeks. Police tape rounded it, while homemade (or office-made) ornaments hung from the branches. Most of said ornaments would be in bad taste anywhere else, but fitted perfectly in the precinct. The smell of real pine filled the office, bothering only those with allergies, and those who 'Bah! Humbug'ed all year anyway.

Kate didn't mind it so much. She didn't join in with the decorating, mostly because she had a case that needed to be finished up and spent most of her time out in the field, but she could appreciate the effort. She sat back in her chair and stared at the lights that had been threaded through the garland and felt, for once in a long while, content. Well, maybe mostly content.

This time of year, as with any holiday, was hard. It became next to impossible not to miss her mother, and while her therapist assured her that it was normal, and probably would never go away, she sort of wished she could tone down the ache. She touched the chain of her necklace as she stared at the blinking lights of the tree. She couldn't help but smile at the way her fellow officers had decorated the thing.

There were ball ornaments, some in the literal sense of tennis balls. Star ornaments that shimmered in the light. Some icicle like things. But the stand out ones were the custom chalk outlines that someone had cut out and scattered around the tree like paper snowflakes. There was just something a little depraved about it, and she had a sneaking suspicion that Castle had done it. Still, at least he had the mind to make them a little more cartoonish than actual outlines.

Thinking of Castle… where was he?

She turned a little in her seat so that her eyes could scan the mostly empty bullpen. It was after nine at night which meant day shift was long over and the night shift were already out and about, doing their thing. She was still there because paperwork didn't do itself, and her partner was no where around to help her.

It took her a bit, but she finally found him sitting in one of the rooms off from the main area. She could just see the top of his head through the glass, but she would be able to pick his head out of any crowd. She stood, pushed her chair in quietly and went to the window.

He didn't look up, didn't even notice her when she stood at the glass and peered in. She was a little surprised that he wasn't napping as she had expected, nor was he reading some file he shouldn't have been. He was wrapping gifts.

She furrowed her brow as her gaze skimmed from him and to the table littered with boxes, wrapping paper, and bows of all kinds. Slightly annoyed, she walked around to the door and stepped in.

He still didn't notice. She walked up to the table, slammed her hand on it and fought back a laugh as he jumped in the chair. The scissors in his hand went flying and smacked against the wall. "What are you doing, Castle?"

"Kate? Jeeze, why'd you do that?" Rick said and took a deep breath while he bent to pick up the scissors and set them on the table.

"Because you're in here," she reached down, picked up a piece of curled ribbon and held it eye level, "wrapping presents. Can't you do that at home?"

"Well, I would, but Alexis and Mother go snooping and this is the best place to do it without them knowing." He held out his hand to the gifts that were already wrapped and bowed. "I already wrapped the stuff I got for you and the guys, so you can snoop all you want."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? What did you get me?"

"Depends, what did you get me?"

"Coal."

"Good, then we're even."

"You got me coal?"

"You weren't a very good girl this year, sorry." He grinned.

"Better than you were."

"Probably, considering I'm not a girl."

"You know what I meant." She said with a small glare. "And with how you scream I'm not so sure."

"When have you heard me scream like a girl?"

"A couple of weeks ago?" She said with an amused look and half a smile. "The tiger in the basement? Us handcuffed?"

"Ah, memories. Huh, maybe I should have got you a pair of handcuffs to remind you of that time."

She gave a small snort of laughter. "Thanks, but I already have a pair, and I don't think I'll be forgetting that tiger anytime soon."

"Me either, but you gotta admit, being cuffed together wasn't so bad." She canted her head at this, pulled a chair from the table and sat down.

"Really? I sort of remember us arguing quite a bit… and you wanted to cut off my hand!"

"It's smaller!" He said and her glare deepened. "Besides, I was kidding."

"Sure you were."

"I was, you actually think I could stand you telling me I was doing it wrong as I tried to cut your hand off?" He shivered. "No, I'd let you cut off my hand first."

"Well, this got morbid."

"You started it."

"Mhm, you don't have to stay here you know? You're not cuffed to me and all I'm doing is paperwork. Go wrap your gifts at home." She went to stand but stopped when he reached across the table, gripped her hand. She looked back at it, at his fingers curling around hers and tried to ignore how her heart skittered for a moment.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" She said and pulled her hand free.

"I meant what I said about being cuffed to you. If it was anywhere else I would call it a happy memory."

She furrowed her brow, sat back down. "Sure, Castle."

He shook his head. "No, really. I enjoy my time with you, you know that."

"Do you? Then why are you in here instead of out at my desk with me?"

He shrugged. "I hate paperwork. I get all itchy whenever I get near it."

"You're a writer, you deal with paperwork all the time!"

"Yeah, but that's fun. Your stuff isn't fun."

She blew out a breath, turned her eyes toward where her desk lay beyond the wall and placed her chin to her hand. "Tell me about it." She looked back to him, gave a frown. "Have anything special planned for the holidays?"

"Spending it with Alexis, at least Christmas Day unless she makes other plans. Mother is going out of town, something to do with her new school. I kind of tuned her out when she got into it."

"You do that a lot?"

"What? Spend Christmas with Alexis?"

"No, tune people out."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Knock it off." She tossed a ribbon at him which he ducked.

"I'm always listening, just sometimes I have to stop or go nuts."

"Wish it was so easy for me." She turned her eyes to the table, stared at the reflections of wrapping paper on the shined wood. "I can't seem to shut my mind down."

"Your mother?" She nodded. "Maybe it's a good thing that you can't, right? It's good to remember her."

"I don't want to forget her, Castle. I just…" she just what? She drew her lips in, clenched her teeth. She just didn't want to be tortured by it anymore. She had enough pain in her life as it was. She didn't want to forget, but she didn't want to hurt either. She felt Castle squeeze her fingers and she returned it, felt a little lighter due to it. "I don't know. Don't worry about it."

He nodded, released her, and slid a box from Amazon over. She clucked her tongue once at him as he began to measure out wrapping paper for it. "Castle, you can't use that."

"Huh?" He looked up in surprise. "Can't use what?"

"Take it out of the box. There's a packing slip inside that will tell how much the item was. You don't want them to know that."

"But it's perfectly packed, all I gotta do is wrap it."

She sighed and took the box from him. "At least open it to make sure the item is okay."

"But then I have to tape it and—"

"Jesus, Castle." She took the scissors from him, opened the package and removed the packing slip. "Candy? Really?"

"They're 100 Grand Bars. There is nothing wrong with that."

"And who are they for, Castle?"

"Me…" he said with a sheepish smile.

"You're wrapping a gift… for yourself?"

"So? I like opening presents, you know tearing off the wrapping paper on Christmas morning?" He paused, looked her over. "What are you doing for Christmas anyway?"

He pulled the box back to him, opened it and pulled out a candy bar before folding the flaps in. She watched him do so in slight disbelief and then just shook her head.

"Same thing I do every Christmas, I guess."

"Try to take over the world?"

"I'm Brain now? So that makes you Pinky, right?"

"Narf!" She laughed. For the first time in days she laughed hard, to the point that breathing became almost painful and her chest actually ached slightly. Castle joined in, started quoting the old cartoon in a voice that mimicked neither character, but sent Kate into laughing fits whenever she tried to calm herself down. She finally got a hold of herself, pulled the candy bar from Castle's hand and opened it, took a bite despite his protest.

"Thief. Where's a cop when you need one?"

"None around here," she said, making a show of checking her watch. "I'm off duty."

"Coming in tomorrow?" Castle asked, and reached across the table to take back the candy bar and after a tiny scuffle she let him have it after she broke off a piece.

"It's Christmas Eve, so I might since I still have paperwork to do and no one to help me."

"You spending it alone?"

"And if I might be?" She bit off more chocolate and chewed thoughtfully. Least he had good taste in candy.

"I'd invite you to spend it with me and Alexis, but you'd turn me down."

"I won't be alone."

"No?" He gave her a surprised look which for some reason annoyed her.

"No, I won't."

"Your dad?"

"No, don't worry about it."

He furrowed his brow and then gave a frown. "You find someone new?"

"Meaning what?"

He stood, turned to look out the window. Did he look a little down all of sudden? "Man, it looks cold out there. The snow is really coming down."

"It is December, that tends to happen." Kate said, and got up to stand beside him. She had planned on spending some of the evening with Lanie, until she went to be with Esposito… Castle didn't need to know that. "Jeeze, the roads are covered."

"I don't think I really want to go out in that, do you?"

"I'm not spending the night in here." She said, though the idea wasn't as horrid as it would normally have been since she at least had Castle to heckle. She watched his reflection for a moment before she noticed her own in the glass.

She tilted her head, stared at her reflection. She looked a little tired, but also a little more vibrant, a ghost of a smile showed on her twin in the glass and she couldn't lose it as her mind began to wander.

Strange to be here now, standing with Castle, staring at the snow as it fell outside the windows. Seven months ago there was little chance she'd make it to the summer, now here she was a day or so from Christmas. Strange how simple life could be, how quickly it could have all turned for the worse. She absently placed her hand to her chest and rubbed at the scar that would forever be her reminder of how fragile she could be.

"You're still here." Castle said and she looked down to find his hand on top of hers. "And you're not going anywhere anytime soon."

"You don't know that. This job—"

"Stop it." His voice took on an edge which made her glare at him to hide that it shook her. "I'm not going to let you think that way, ever. I won't lose you."

"You may or I may lose you. It's life, Castle. That tiger could have eaten us both, or one of us and there wasn't a thing we could have done for each other."

"But it didn't come to that."

"No, but there's always something stalking us."

"You mean last night? Sorry, I couldn't resist being a peeping tom and scaling your apartment building." He said with a smile and she lifted her hand from her chest and punched him in the shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

He dropped his hands into his pockets and looked back to the window, his face solemn. "It's Christmas, Kate. It's a time to believe in something, and do you want to know what I believe in?"

She continued to watch him for a moment before turning to the window as well. "I'm a little afraid to know."

"I believe in you, Kate." She saw his reflection bend to her, felt his lips touch her cheek, the beginnings of a beard scratching her skin. They lingered there for a moment, then moved away, and he whispered in her ear. "I believe in you, and that's how I know we'll always make it out of anything, even death."

"Castle…" she turned to talk to him, but no more words escaped her lips. She found herself moving forward and—she kissed him roughly on the lips. She couldn't stop herself, couldn't stop the groan from her throat and cursed in her head as her fingers began to sweep through his hair, grabbed handfuls. She felt his hands roam slightly after a moment, but they stayed above the waist, which she wasn't sure what to think of. He never seemed like the cautious type, but then, he was probably even more surprised than she was.

It continued for a time until they slowly pulled apart, stared at each other with hooded eyes. In her mind it beat the kiss that happened between them so many months before. The kiss they never talked about. Would they not talk about this one either?

"Kate…" Castle spoke first and she found herself staring at his lips and thinking how strange it was to see them, and yet still feel them at the same time.

"Sorry, Rick. I—"

"No reason to be sorry…"

"No, I shouldn't have—" she turned away from him, walked out of the room, her heart thrumming. She shouldn't have let her emotions take over, but dammit, she couldn't help it. It happened before she even realized what was happening.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned when she reached her desk, pulled her coat off the back of her chair.

"Kate what was—"

"You want a ride home, or gonna get a cab?" She asked as she slipped a knitted hat over her head and pushed her hair back over her jacket. "I don't mind giving you a ride—a ride home I mean." Was she blushing? She was sure her cheeks were cherry by now.

"Uh, I don't know. Getting a cab could be tough." He turned slightly to stare at the windows and she felt a little easier now that his eyes were off her.

"Fine, go get your stuff together and I'll take you home."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I brought you in, I can get you home."

He nodded. "Okay, give me a minute or so."

She watched him go, made her eyes stay on the back of his head even while they wanted to wander. When the hell did she let her emotions go this unbridled? Yes, she could admit that she cared for him, perhaps even loved him on some level, but she wasn't ready for more. She still had too much to figure out, too much to work through. Too many walls to take down.

Yet, she wanted to follow the feelings. She wanted to kiss him again.

She sat down with a small huff and ran a finger over the trunks of the elephants on her desk. How long could she fight this? Two years was long enough, wasn't it? It might even be some kind of record.

He loved her.

He said it, repeated it so that she could hear it when she laid in the grass of a spring afternoon, feeling the life drain out of her. She touched the scar again through her jacket and sweater and even with all the clothing she could imagine the roughness of skin. He sounded almost desperate, but did he really love her, or did he say it because he thought she was dying? Why hadn't he told her since?

Why would he not say it to her as soon as she was better, or as soon as she had broke it off with Josh?

Because he'd been mad at her. At least a little bit, and she thought back to how she waited for him outside his book signing, how much she had looked forward to seeing him now that she was there. She didn't realize until then that she missed him horribly.

She never saw him so mad. In fact, she didn't think he could get that angry, not at her. She got a little taste of her own medicine then and like she'd done for him, he forgave her. It didn't take him as long because he knew what his feelings meant. He loved her.

But did he still love her? Could he possibly still have feelings after all this time? Could— her train of thought broke as he came walking back in, two bags in his hands and his long black coat buttoned down. He wore a scarf, the ends reaching halfway down his torso.

"Ready?" He asked, eyeing her and she had the feeling he was trying his best to get a read of how she felt then. She offered a small smile, stood and wrapped her own scarf around her neck before she picked up her bag from beside her desk.

"Yeah, the sooner we leave the better."

"I looked outside again while packing… the roads don't look good at all."

"I'll get you home, don't worry."

"I'm not worried, just pointing out a fact of weather."

"Okay, Weatherman Castle. Let's get going." She picked up her keys and led the way to the elevator, conscious of his eyes on her the entire way. They passed by Ryan and Esposito who were sitting at their desks still. She was glad they were so absorbed in their own paperwork that they seemed to have missed her little show with Castle. At least, she hoped they did.

Esposito looked up as her shadow drifted over his desk and gave a small smile. "Heading out?"

"Yeah, you two should too." She nodded toward the windows. "The snow is crazy out there."

"Planning on it as soon—"

"No, get your stuff together. We'll all head out now. The paperwork can take care of itself for a day or two. Enjoy the early vaca."

"What's gotten into you?" Esposito asked and shared a dumbfounded glance with Ryan. "You see three ghosts tonight or something?"

"You keep pushing I might when I kill all three of you."

"What I do?" Castle asked from beside her and she glanced to him.

"It would take too long to list," she clapped her hands at Ryan and Esposito. "Come on, let's go. I'm beat."

The two detectives quickly packed up their things, threw on their jackets and followed Kate out to the elevator. The four of them stood in it mostly silent, her and Castle in the back and Ryan and Esposito in front. She couldn't help but notice that Castle was standing a little too close. He kept his gaze forward, but every once in a while he glanced at her, a look of concern and confusion in it.

When the group got to the garage they said their goodnights and Happy Holidays and left for their respective vehicles.

A wind was cutting through the place and made Kate shiver as she took long strides toward her car. Snow had found its way into the garage on the same wind, layering over the entrance and she wondered how much snow they had already got. She unlocked her door, got in and waited for Castle .

It was going to be a long, possibly uncomfortable, ride.

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><p>Thanks to ChrisS for beta reading.<p> 


	2. Look Out The Window At That Storm

Chapter 2

**Look Out The Window At That Storm**

Rick sat staring out the window, his mind replaying what happened in the conference room over and over. He didn't look—couldn't look at her, because he wasn't sure he wouldn't try to kiss her again. He thought he could control himself, but—dammit—she started it.

The car trudged through the snow, fighting through the drifts. The roads had been plowed at least twice, but four or so inches still laid over them and Kate's radio already announced that New York City had been put into a state of emergency. She called dispatch to make she wasn't needed. She wasn't, much to her relief which she wore on her face. She did look beat.

The case hadn't been an especially hard one, but he had a feeling it was more of what happened during the entire year that had worn on her, more than just work. She stared death in the face for a time, got a good look and was able to walk away.

Then she shut him out.

That didn't bother him anymore, he was over that. What he wasn't over was her kissing him. He knew she hadn't meant too, at least as much as one can mean not to kiss someone. It just happened, the surprise on her face said that much.

He finally turned from the window to look at her all bundled up in coat and hat and he wondered if she really did have someone to spend Christmas with. She didn't lie often to him, but she had in the past. Was it really his business though if she was? Yes, he decided. He needed to know. She didn't deserve to spend the day alone if that was the case. Not after everything. He wanted to spend it with her, to remind himself that she was still there, still with him.

"Kate?"

"Hm?" She didn't look over and her brow furrowed in concentration as she steered the car through the snow, fighting to keep it from sliding.

"Who are you spending Christmas with?"

"Castle, not now. All right?"

"Sorry, just curious. Would you rather talk about the kiss?" He saw her blush which made her look like she had a few shots of hard liquor, a sight he had only seen at the Old Haunt.

"What kiss? Can't you sit there and be quiet for a bit?"

"Come on—" His phone rang in his jacket pocket and Rick sighed, pulled the phone up and answered it. "Castle."

"Hey, Dad," said the voice on the other end and Rick couldn't help but smile. "Can you talk, or are you and Detective Beckett busy?"

"No, she's just giving me a ride home. What's going on, sweetie?" He saw Kate glance over and so he turned to her and placed a hand to the mic of the phone. "It's Alexis, not some random woman."

"I knew that." Kate said in annoyance, and he had to wonder if she really did. He shrugged as Alexis started to talk.

"—And with the snow, I think it would just be better if I stay here."

"Which friend are you watching movies with again?"

"Sam, why?"

"Sam being a female…?"

"Yes, _Samantha_ is a girl, Dad." Alexis said, her voice taking on a tinge of annoyance.

"Just wondering," he said and turned when he felt Kate's eyes on him. He saw her eyes dart back to the windshield when he did so. "I don't have a problem with that, have a good time and don't eat too much junk food."

"Same to you."

He laughed. "There goes my plan of ice cream for dinner."

"Dad…"

"I'm only kidding, I already had like three doughnuts." He could imagine her scowl and her nose scrunching up in anger. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hopefully, who knows when this snow will lift."

"Soon enough, I'm sure. Love you."

"Love you too, Dad," she said and then hung up. Rick smiled as he slipped his phone into his pocket.

"Alexis all right?" Kate asked after a moment.

"She's doing fine, staying at a friends tonight. The evening is going to be lonely."

"I'm sure you can find someone to spend time with." Did she still think he had girls just waiting in wings? He gave a frown and turned to the window. Or maybe, if he wanted to dream, she meant her?

"If you say so."

They sat in silence the rest of the way to his apartment, which took much longer than usual. The quiet was beginning to drive Rick a little stir crazy, and he couldn't describe his relief when they pulled up in front of his building.

"Here we are." Kate said, turned to him with the car still running. "See you later?"

"Yeah," Rick opened the door and tried to stop his teeth from chattering as he stepped out into the snow garnished wind. He drew his coat together and went to the back of the car to get his gifts. "Um, Beckett…"

"What?"

"You think you can help me get these upstairs?" He lifted the two bags from the seat to show that one of them had ripped, the gifts slipping through.

"Can't you carry them?"

"Some help would be appreciated, but if you don't want to…" He heard her sigh and then the engine cut off. She got out, rounded the car and slid in beside him to pick up the broken bag. They were so close, squeezed in the door, that he could practically feel her warmth through the coats. She gave him a sheepish look and then shifted away and out of the car. "Thanks."

She gave a curt nod. "Let's go, I'm freezing."

He moved past her, took note of how the snow laid over her hat and the way her cheeks and nose took on a rosy appearance that for some reason he found exceptionally cute. He wouldn't tell her that, for fear of his own life, but he could lock away the image for his own memories.

"Good Evening, Mr. Castle," The doorman said as he held the door open, his long, heavy jacket fluttering in the wind.

"Evening, Maurice. Enjoying the weather?"

He shook his head, grinned under his well trimmed beard of white. "A little snow is fine, a lot? Not so much. I heard on the radio they've shut down a lot of roads."

"Seriously?" Kate asked as she came in.

"Sadly, it's true, Miss Beckett." He took a glance out the door. "Just too much snow to clear. It's funny, they were just calling for one to two inches. We must have at least a foot."

"Yeah, funny," Kate said and Rick could feel her glare on the side of his face.

"It's not all bad, most of the roads around here are staying pretty clear and I hear the subway is running on time."

Rick gave a small laugh. "When has that ever happened?"

"I think that record has been lost." Maurice said with a grin. "You two have a nice evening."

"Oh, I'm not staying, just helping Castle get his things upstairs and then heading back out."

He nodded. "Very well, I'll be here when you come down."

They both went into the elevator, stood on either side of it and rode up in silence. The elevator dinged and Rick let her out first, followed her down the hall until she stopped at his door and turned, waited. He gave her a waning smile, unlocked the door, flipped the lights on and went in. Christmas lights blinked around the bookcases at one end of the room and on garland that rounded the pillars.

Near the windows, across from where they stood, was the Christmas tree where the piano usually sat. Beneath it laid a number of presents, stacked upon each other like a glittering tower.

"Thanks for the help," he said and went to the table, dropped the bag there. "You want a drink?"

"No thanks, Castle. I think I'll just get going." She said as she placed the bag she'd been holding beside his.

"One drink," he said as he removed his scarf and jacket and laid them over the back of a chair.

"No." He walked to her, reached up and pulled her hat off which messed up her hair so that some fell into her face. She gave him an annoyed look and reached for it. "Castle."

"One drink, as a thank-you for helping." She began to tap her foot which he thought of as a bomb ticking down. He needed to defuse and quickly. "One drink and then you can go. Come on, Kate, it's cold out there. One drink to warm you up."

She gave a frown. "I shouldn't…"

The timer had slowed. He smiled and moved behind her, gently led her toward the couch. "You should. I'll get the fire going so you can warm up some."

He made her sit, and was surprised she let him. She looked so tired as she laid back, sunk into the cushions. He left her and went to the fireplace, turned it on with a remote and made a turn for the kitchen where he started to sort through his wine case.

"Can you put on the stereo?"

She turned to look at him over the top of the couch. "If some kind of date music comes on I'm dragging you out and burying you in the snow."

"It's Christmas music, Miss Violent." He said as he struggled with the cork of a wine bottle.

She stood, walked to where the stereo sat on a shelf and pushed the power button and then went back to the couch, removed her scarf. The sounds of Christmas came through the speakers as he finished pouring two glasses and came back to the couch, handing her one.

"Wine?"

"What?"

"Wine won't warm me up." She said and sniffed at it after swirling it around in the glass.

"No, but the fire will while you drink it."

"Did you plan this?" She tried it suspiciously and then smiled as she swallowed.

"Did I plan what? You helped me, I'm giving you a glass of exquisite wine. Seems fair to me."

"Mhm…" she took another sip and he watched her eyes dance around the room. "You sure do like to decorate, don't you."

He shrugged, settled into the couch a few inches from her and took a gulp of wine. Not what you should do with good wine, but his nerves were fraying. He didn't actually think she'd stay, and now that she was, he didn't know what to do to entertain.

"I enjoy it and it's even more fun with Alexis. We always do the tree together, it's tradition."

Kate nodded, looked it over as it's lights blinked. "Looks like it's only half finished though."

"We were going to finish it tonight, but…" he motioned with his glass toward the window. "Doesn't look like it's going to happen."

"Well, you could work on it some, couldn't you?"

"I could, but it's better with two people. Doing it by myself just wouldn't be as much fun."

Kate took a long sip of wine and then put her glass on the coffee table before she stood. She slipped out of her jacket and tossed it to the other chair. "Come on, we can do some of it so there won't be as much to do when she comes back tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" He stood as well, moved next to her.

"It'll be fun."

"Good, then you can get on the ladder and do the top." He said and she narrowed her eyes at him, smiled still.

"Not in these boots."

He shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

"I'm sure I could, but we'll let it go this time."

Rick went to his study and returned a moment later with a large crate and dropped it by the tree. The two began to place ornaments on the tree as the snow fell outside the windows. The room quickly took on a cozy feel that Rick hadn't felt in years. It felt almost right decorating the tree with Kate, and really, how could it ever feel wrong? She was laughing at his stupid jokes and listened intently when he explained some strange ornament (of which there were a few) and the stories behind them.

"I need to hear the story on this one." She said holding up a humanized reindeer which wore a skimpy Santa costume. "I'm surprised Alexis hasn't thrown it away."

Rick laughed and took it from her, hanging it on the back of the tree. "I won it in a Christmas poker game from Patterson. I keep it because I think it's funny and as a memory of winning one of the few games with him. Alexis has tried, but I rescued it."

"You would," she took a sip from her second glass of wine and while doing so she noticed her watch, nearly spat out the wine. "Is it really that late?"

"I don't know, how late does your watch say?" She didn't answer him, instead she put the glass down and moved to the chair with her coat. "Kate?"

"It's after twelve, I need to get home."

"Do you?"

"Yes," she said, throwing her arms into the coat. "I have to be in early tomorrow… dammit."

"And you couldn't stay here tonight?" He asked and she stopped fumbling with her gloves and looked up. "I mean, it's still snowing and the roads have to be covered. I don't think your little crown-vic is gonna make it."

"It'll make it."

"And if it doesn't? You could be stuck out there all night, could die from hypothermia, or get frostbite and lose a toe."

"And now your writer's imagination is running away with you."

"Maybe, but do you want to put me through that kind of worry? That'd be harsh."

"I'm a big girl, Castle."

"Not without your heels." She laughed though he could tell she didn't want to. "Come on, it's cold out there, and warm in here. I'll take the couch, you can have the bed."

"Yes, and I'm sure I won't find you there by morning."

"Such little faith in me? I promise I'll be a good boy if that's what you want. Besides, Santa is watching."

She had stopped with her scarf in her hands, and seemed to be seriously considering his offer. Maybe Christmas was the time for miracles. "You would still believe in Santa."

"Maybe, and what's the harm?" He asked and she walked past him and to the window. She put her face against the glass, placed a hand to her cheek to keep the glare down and stared out. "It's not so bad believing in magic, is it?"

"No… I guess not."

"Glad you—" He stopped when the lights suddenly shut off and the entire loft was thrown into darkness, save for the dancing flame of the fireplace. "Well, that's not good."

"Great," Kate said as she turned around, silhouetted against the windows. "Guess I am stuck here."

"Don't sound too happy now," Rick said as he went searching for a flashlight. He found one in the kitchen and using it he tracked down some candles and a pack of matches. Coming back into the living room he could see the backlit form of Kate removing her jacket. He hadn't planned this, but so far things couldn't have been going better… save for the power going out.

He sat the candles down and had just lit a match when the fireplace went out with a small woosh. Rick cursed as he touched the flame to the candlewick. "Seriously?"

"It's electric?" Kate asked as she sat next to him.

"No, it's gas." He got up with the candle and tapped the thermostat that laid beside the fireplace. It did nothing. He gave a sigh. "It's gonna get cold here tonight."

"Lovely," Kate said as he came back to the couch and sat down next to her.

"You'll be fine, you have the bed, I'm the one that will be out here with a sheet. I might be Frosty tomorrow."

"Yeah… look, I can take the couch."

He laughed. "If you think I'm letting you turn into a Kate popsicle, you're mistaken."

"But it's okay if you turn into a Rick popsicle?" She reached behind her, picked up the blanket that laid on the back of the couch and slid it around her shoulders. After a moment of getting settled she shifted over to him and placed an arm around his shoulders, pulled him close to her so that the blanket laid around him as well.

He took the edge of it and pulled it tight so that Kate was against him which sent his heart thumping against his chest. He could smell her perfume of which he took a deep breath of and then let it slowly. He couldn't help but focus on the scent, on the closeness of her to him. Had she even initiated this kind of closeness with him before?

"Can I ask you something?"

He looked down, found her staring up at him, her eyes glinting with the light of the candles. "Anything."

"Could we make it?"

He canted his head for a moment and she gave a frown. "Make it?"

"Nevermind, it's the wine talking." She looked away and to the candles. "My mouth is moving on it's own."

"It's a lovely mouth, by the way."

She laughed and he realized what he said. Guess the wine affected him as well. "Yours isn't so bad either."

"Your lips are the best part." He said as he slipped his arm over her shoulder. Hell, if the wine excuse was good enough for her, it was for him as well. "Why did you kiss me back at the station?"

He felt her tense slightly and then relax. "I wanted to I guess. It just sort of happened."

"You kiss a lot of guys like that?"

"Everyone I meet," when he didn't laugh she jabbed her elbow into his side which made him cry out. "I was kidding. No, I don't randomly kiss guys."

"Just writers?"

"Shut-up, Castle." She said and placed her head against his shoulder, sighed in a very girlish way and he couldn't help the small thrill that ran up his spine.

"Shutting up."

They sat there on the couch, enjoying each other's warmth for a while, and Rick didn't move until he heard Kate's breathing soften. He looked over, found the woman pressed against his shoulder, her arms snaking around him. Her lips, the ones that had met his not so long ago, were parted. Her upper body rose and fell in a slow rhythm and he found himself mesmerized.

He shifted slightly, careful not to wake her and moved her so that she laid more on his chest which he figured would be a little softer and stopped her from putting his arm to sleep. She murmured a complaint in a soft voice that made him smile. He laid back, his fingers combing through her hair.

He turned his eyes to the candles and thought of last year's Christmas. She worked then too, and he had gone in during the day to surprise her. She was sitting in her chair, surrounded by Christmas lights and other festive things, but she didn't notice any of it. She had her nose practically buried in a folder, and he could see her eyes shifting over the words.

He didn't say anything to her, just walked up to her desk, sat down and placed the cup of coffee and bear claw on the side of her desk. He could still see the look she gave him, the confused, but 'thank goodness you're here' look that he didn't get often. They didn't speak still, just sat next to each other, sipping coffee and she nibbled away at the bear claw.

When she finished he reached out, tapped the back of her hand which made her look over. He grinned and told her Merry Christmas. She said the same, and together they sat and talked for the rest of her shift. That was enough then. This was enough now. He could live off this moment for a long time to come.

Maybe someday there would be more. He leaned down, kissed her forehead because he could get away with it and she snuggled in a little closer.


	3. This Welcome Has Been So Nice and Warm

Chapter 3

**This Welcome Has Been So Nice and Warm**

Kate was awake but opening her eyes, looking into the light, was more than she could bear. Plus, if she opened her eyes she would have to get up at some point and right now she didn't want to move.

She fell asleep against Castle as he made a wonderful pillow. She could feel him breathing softly beneath her. Up, pause, and then down. She pushed against him a bit more, found that her arms were around his torso and pulled him to her a little tighter, willing herself to asleep.

It wasn't to be though. She never could fall back asleep once she was up and so she opened her eyes. She didn't recognize the room at first as light had washed it white. Slowly, sleep's blur left her eyes, and the room came into focus. She was in Castle's loft, on the couch. Better to wake up here, than his bed. At least for now.

She moved away from him, pushed her shoulders up and turned her head to try to remove a kink her neck. When that didn't work she slipped her hands free of Castle and rubbed at it while she turned her eyes to look around the room.

Her breath caught for only a moment when she found someone sitting in the chair to the left of her. The person was curled up in it, an iPad in their hand and seemed to be reading.

"Morning, Detective Beckett." The person spoke without moving.

Kate swallowed hard, not sure why she felt like she'd been caught with her hand in a cookie jar.

"Morning, Alexis." Kate said and sat up. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," she said and finally looked up from the iPad. Kate, who could read people at the drop of a hat, couldn't tell what the girl was thinking. "The power came back on about twenty minutes ago. I put on some coffee for you and Dad."

Kate nodded, gathered up her hair to the side of her head for a moment, then scratched her scalp and looked toward the kitchen. "Thanks."

"Sure," Alexis said and then sat the iPad down, turned to her. "Were you two alright here?"

Kate pushed herself up so that she sat on the edge of the couch, hunched over and began to rub her hands together. "Yeah, I-uh, I helped your dad bring in some gifts and the roads were just too covered to make it home." She turned to look at Castle and felt her heart lift just a little. "He convinced me stay."

"I imagine that was a bit of a fight."

"Not really, I didn't have much of a choice."

Alexis shrugged, turned to look at the tree. "I see you got some more of the tree decorated."

Was she annoyed by that? The girl gave nothing away which worried Kate. She couldn't figure out if she was digging herself into a hole, or if Alexis was just making small talk. "Well, since you couldn't come home last night and the tree was only half done... Rick and I did a bit of it. I'm sorry if-"

"Sorry? For what? We wouldn't get it done if he let it go until today." She turned and smiled. The tightness in Kate's chest eased and she fought herself not to sigh. "I'm glad he wasn't alone last night."

Kate smiled slightly. "He'd have probably got into some kind of trouble."

"No doubt, especially with candles and matches." Alexis said and laughed for a moment before she stifled it with a hand. "We should probably let him sleep."

Kate looked over to where Castle was sprawled out on the couch. His head against the back and facing up toward the ceiling. She could still see a slight impression on his shirt where she had laid against him and she touched her face to see if it left behind any marks. She gave a frown when she felt the very slight grooves.

"No one will notice," Alexis said as she looked Kate over. "You looked awfully comfortable."

Kate gave a muffled laugh. "He's pretty comfortable, surprisingly."

"Yeah, he is. I fall asleep on him a lot."

"Can't blame you," they grinned at each other for a moment before a beeping sound drew their attention to the kitchen. Alexis stood up, held her hand out to Kate.

"Coffee is ready," she said. Kate reached for the offered hand and with Alexis's help she stood up stiffly. She released the hand as they went past the counter and the smell of fresh, possibly amazing, coffee reached her. She closed her eyes and sighed away the chill that clung to her once she had left the blankets and Castle's side.

Alexis got a mug down from the cabinet and handed it over before picking up the pot and filling it. Kate inhaled even more deeply than before, the smell waking her. "Wasn't sure what kind you would like, but I picked the one that had the most caffeine."

"You're a godsend." Kate said as Alexis went to the fridge, came back with creamer and handed it off.

"Dad says that every time I make him coffee too. You both need to go through detox I think."

"Probably, but we may be to far gone." She took a sip, her eyes closing and then fluttering for a moment before she smiled, savored the warmth that passed through her chest. "Wow... he needs to bring this to work instead of the stuff he gets from that coffee shop."

Alexis grinned. "He would, but he usually drops everything when you call."

"What do you mean?" The enjoyment of the coffee faded slightly.

"Just that unless it's super important he usually will drop whatever he's doing or working on to take your call. If it's a... body," she gave a narrow frown, dropped her eyes. "If it's a body he usually leaves within a few minutes."

"Does he leave you all the...?"

She shook her head. "No, of course not. I'm just saying that the puts you ahead of a lot."

"Why?" Kate asked as she took another sip.

"You make him happy."

She nearly spat the coffee out, but instead swallowed hard and had to set the cup down on the counter. Alexis might as well have slapped her, she thought as her eyes turned toward the couch. She knew he enjoyed being around her, and she him, but that she made him happy? When? Most of the time she was tearing him down for his out there theories, or for some comment. Joking, usually, but still how could that make him happy?

"I'm curious though..." Alexis said which brought Kate's attention to the girl as she put the creamer back in the fridge and returned with a carton of strawberries, offered Kate one.

"Curious?"

"Yeah, just something I thought of now." Alexis bit into one, chewed happily.

"And that would be?" Kate didn't touch the strawberry, acted almost as if it was poison and kept it from her mouth.

"Does he make you happy ever?" Another bite of strawberry, as if what she asked meant little to nothing. Just a conversation to pass the time.

"I-" Kate began and tried to look for a way out. This was not a conversation she expected to be having with Alexis. Hell, it wasn't even one she was ready to have with herself. When she found no escape she settled back to the counter, took a deep breath. "He makes me laugh a lot."

"That isn't exactly what I asked." Alexis said, the tone still easy.

"Yeah, I guess he does."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that."

"Why?" Kate asked and finally bit into the strawberry, unable to deprive herself any longer.

"I worry about him," Alexis was staring at where Castle had shifted a bit with the absence of Kate and now took up most of the couch. "He deserves something special, something more."

"He does..."

"But, you make him happy, Detective Beckett and that makes me happy." She moved forward and before Kate could register what Alexis was about to do, she found herself gathered into a hug. "Keep him safe, huh?"

"I will, how ever I can."

Alexis looked up, nodded and moved back. "I know, and he will do his best for you. He always does. I knew it at the bank too, I was just-"

"Worried. I know, Alexis. You don't need to explain." Kate reached out and touched Alexis's cheek. "I was worried too."

Alexis smiled. "Still, I knew it then. I shouldn't have treated you like that."

"Don't worry about it, honestly I wasn't hurt or upset about it. I completely understood and still do. "

"Thanks, Detective Beckett."

"Call me Kate, okay? Just Kate."

Alexis nodded. "Okay, Kate."

They both grinned, but Kate's fell away first as she noticed the time on the microwave and felt her blood freeze. "It's nine?"

"There about," Alexis said and checked her watch. Kate checked her own. Little after eight. "Why?"

"I have work... shoot I'm already late." She started to rush back into the living room but stopped when she felt Alexis's hand on her arm.

"Finish the coffee, I'll get your stuff and then you can go." When Kate went to protest Alexis merely shook her head. "Sit," she said in a stern tone that had Kate doing just that. "There's a lull in the storm right now so most of the roads should be plowed, they were when I got home. It shouldn't take you long to get there."

Five minutes later Kate was bundled up and lingering by the couch. Castle had slept the entire time, which didn't really surprise her as she still felt the edge of sleep being held down by the caffeine.

"Should we wake him?" Alexis asked from beside her.

"No, let him sleep. Tell him that I'm sorry?" Alexis nodded. "And that I'll call him later?"

"I'll tell him. Don't be surprised if he calls you first." She wouldn't, Kate thought as she was let out of the apartment by Alexis. In fact, she hoped he would.

She left the elevator, saw Maurice who looked like he was getting off shift then. He smiled at her, a knowing look on his face, but she just couldn't be bothered to correct it. He tipped his hat, said "Morning, Miss Beckett," and then disappeared into the back room.

People could think what they wanted she decided. She had a nice evening with Castle, decorating the tree and sleeping next to him. That was all it was. Nothing more. They didn't even kiss again... but how she had wanted to. It took everything she had to keep her face from tilting up to meet his, especially when she felt him kiss her forehead. That just about made her sit up and jump him.

Damn wine.

Damn emotions.

She paused on the edge of the sidewalk where someone had dug a path through the drifts and looked down both ends of the street. There were cars about, many with the extra weight of fluffy, white snow. She turned her eyes to her own car across the street which laid mostly covered in the stuff. She sighed, wondered if she might get to the station faster on foot.

A wind was playing through the two foot high walls of snow and sent ice-like cold through her jeans which made her shiver. She gave a frown at the mostly barren street and for half a moment thought of heading back up stairs and cuddling again with Rick while watching the lights on the tree they had mostly decorated. Maybe even get a real breakfast too. She was already late so what was a little bit longer... and Rick-

When did she start thinking of him as Rick in her head?

Castle.

Castle...

Dammit, it's Castle. She repeated his name over and over as she began to walk away from his building to her car. It took her a bit of time to clear, and by the end of it her wrists had begun to hurt from the cold, the whole while reminding herself that he was Castle to her.

She started the car, got in and turned on the heat. She put her hands under her arms, pressed them to her body and waited for the car to warm. Her cheeks ached and her nose was already running slightly which made the idea of going back inside circle around again.

She looked back to his apartment building, her mind wandering. They talked about the kiss... a little bit, but she knew that was mostly wine loosening lips. She would have to face that soon, but she knew he wouldn't push. Not on this. Not yet, anyway. She couldn't let it linger like the other one, there was no excuse to hide behind this time, not even a mistletoe. She wanted it and he wanted it.

But was she ready?

Maybe. Maybe not. She didn't know. She didn't want to screw up what they had, but could she live as she was now? So close to touching, yet too far away to do so. Was it even fair to Rick?

Castle.

Was it fair to Castle? Was it fair to herself?

She checked her mirrors and pulled out into the snow drifted roads, the snow tires biting after a quick spin. The only good thing about a snowstorm, in her opinion, was that one could actually get around the city in a reasonable amount of time... as long as you didn't hit an accident. She ran into two on the way to the station and even got out to help on the second. No one was hurt, so she moved on as soon as the uniforms showed up.

Almost twenty minutes later she stepped back out into the glaciered city and carefully made her way into the 12th. She needed some time to think. Sometime away from Rick-from everyone. She could get that inside, alone with paperwork.

Just some time to get a ceasefire between her heart and mind.

* * *

><p>Thanks as always to ChrisS, who puts up with my crappy drafts and makes them better.<p> 


	4. There's Bound To Be Talk Tomorrow

Chapter 4

**There's Bound To Be Talk Tomorrow**

Kate woke that afternoon from a nap that her body insisted she take. Apparently, sleeping on Castle wasn't enough so after putting in a few hours at the station, she came home and crashed.

It was a startled wake, the kind you get when you are about to fall off the side of the bed. Her reason for the jump was a little more in her head than physical. She hadn't had a dream like the one she woke from in a long time, especially not one dealing with Castle. She sat up, closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Sunlight played through the blinds in shimmering lines and she turned to look at them, to the empty space beside her.

It seemed real. Him with her in bed, doing... things. She shook her head to clear it, slipped out from under the covers. Her skin tingled with cold even through the pajama bottoms she wore. Her arms broke out in goosebumps and she rubbed at them as she made her way to the bathroom.

The cold couldn't chase away the heat she still felt in her bones from the dream, but maybe a shower could. She glanced at herself in the mirror for a moment, brushed her hair back behind her ears and then went and turned the water on.

It took a bit for it to get warm, so she went back into the bedroom, picked out clothes from her closet and paused to look out the window.

Winter wonderland was being kind. The entire city looked like it had been repainted a stark white. The storm cleared probably sometime while she slept but it left behind a mess. The street below her window still looked covered. Maybe she wouldn't be seeing Lanie tonight.

Her phone rang somewhere in the room and she turned from the window with a frown. If it was the station she wasn't going to answer. For at least one Christmas Eve she was going to have the day off. She picked it up off the nightstand and felt her lips lift slightly as she read the name.

"Hey," she said when she answered. She heard him stumble for a word and finally he just settled on 'hey'. "Figured you would have called me this morning."

"I was going to, but I thought you'd be busy."

She narrowed her eyes, walked back toward the bathroom. "When has that ever stopped you before?"

"Never really, it's just..." She got it. He was worried. Why didn't she wake him to say goodbye yesterday? "Are we okay, Beckett?"

Her last name shouldn't cut like that. "Why wouldn't we be? I meant to call you when I got home, but I just completely crashed."

He sighed out a breath. "I'm not sure, just wanted to check."

"Well, we're the same as we always were."

"Oh." Oh? Oh what? She glared at herself in the mirror and then went and turned the water off. "So, spending time with that person today?"

She shrugged even though he couldn't see it. "I don't know, I have to call her and find out if we're still on."

"Her?" Was that relief in his voice? Maybe a little snicker too?

"Yeah, her. Why, Castle?"

"No reason, just curious. What are you doing tomorrow?" She heard a chair squeak and figured he was at his desk, maybe writing. Yeah, he was probably writing, probably figuring out a way to work in what happened last night into a scene with Heat and Rook.

"Going to try to take over the world?" She said with a small smile as she thought back to the conference room.

He laughed. "Need any help?"

"Wouldn't mind having my partner around, but I figure he's busy."

"Not too busy."

"No? Why's that?"

"Just me and Alexis here tonight and tomorrow. We wouldn't mind some company of the Beckett kind, that is if you don't have other plans."

"What? Last night wasn't enough?"

"It's never enough." There was a long pause where she didn't hear anything on the other side of the phone. Then he coughed. "I mean... well, that is-"

"No, its not..." Her lips moved on their own, but she didn't try to take it back. She could just imagine the startled look on his face, his brows going so far up his forehead that they practically disappeared.

"Wait, what?"

"I had fun. Didn't you?"

"Yeah, of course I had fun. But if you enjoyed it why did-"

"I had work, Castle. I told you that last night, but you wouldn't listen."

"Could have still woke me." How was it that she could tell he was pouting even over the phone? She smiled in a thin line.

"But you looked all peaceful, and besides Alexis told you what happened, didn't she?"

"She did, but I'd have rather been able to say goodbye to you myself. I'm just glad you didn't freeze on your way to the station."

"Made it there no problem, even without my normal heels." He chuckled into the phone, a sound that she always enjoyed hearing. She sat down on the seat of the toilet and placed her elbows on her knees. "So, if I was coming over, what time would be good?"

He didn't say anything for a time. "Are you playing with me, or do you actually mean that?"

"I'm not saying anything, just asking a question."

He was silent. This had to be a record for the amount of times she made him speechless. "Anytime you want to stop by is fine by me." He paused again and then let a breath out. "I'd really love to see you this Christmas."

"Why's that?"

"Because I... I want you here with me on Christmas."

"Castle..."

"Hey, I'm just saying what I want, not what you'll do. Anyway, Alexis is calling me so I better go. I'll talk to you soon, right?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, well enjoy your girl time with Lanie."

"How'd-"

"Lucky guess. Bye, Kate." He hung up and her heart fluttered at the way he said her name. If her last name could cut, her first name could heal. She stared at the screen of her phone for a moment, his name still there with the text 'call ended' underneath. She could spend Christmas with Castle and Alexis. That wouldn't be bad, but she didn't know if that was something she wanted to just walk into.

There were a lot of traps in that kind of thing. If they were just friends, being there the entire time with him and his daughter could be awkward. Though, being more could be even worse. She stood and walked back into her bedroom wondering why she wanted them to be more.

She sat her phone on the nightstand and then went back to the bathroom, stripped out of her night clothes and got into the shower. She yelped at the hot water when she turned the knob and rushed to put the cold on. She started to giggle at herself for forgetting that she had already let the water run. Castle would have probably found it funny too.

Not that she would tell him or that he would ever hear her giggle like that. In the dream he had made her giggle like mad, to the point that her stomach had begun to hurt. It wasn't a bad dream, more of a 'what-could-be' type. It left a bad taste in her mouth when she woke though, not because of what happened, but because it had seemed so real. It had worked, her and him. She knew she was happy in the dream, madly in love with him.

Madly in love in the dream. Not in real life.

Not in... well maybe a little bit in real life.

She ducked her head under the water, scrubbed at her hair and closed her eyes as the droplets ran in rivulets over her arms and down body. The heat played over her skin, removed the sleep that still lingered along with the dream. By the time she got out and dressed the dream became a distant memory. The feelings not so much.

She needed to talk to Lanie, her sounding board, a friend that wouldn't laugh at her. When she picked up the phone again the little message icon was blinking. The first one was from Lanie asking where she was. The second told her that Lanie was coming over, but wanted to talk to her first. The third said they were parking outside.

They. Who was they? And how long had she spent in the shower?

A knock at her door had her slipping her phone into the pocket of her jeans and she rushed into the living, noticed that night was beginning to fall outside. Where did the day go?

She expected Lanie on the other side of the door, and she found her... along with Esposito.

"Hey..." Lanie's voice was soft as she looked between her and Esposito. "Where have you been?"

"Took a nap. Got a shower. Hey." She kept her gaze on Esposito who seemed to slouch a little under it. "Didn't know you were coming with company."

Lanie walked in, removed her jacket and placed it over a chair at the table. "I wasn't planning on it, but it was getting late and he-" she pointed at Esposito as he closed the door. "Wouldn't wait any longer."

"We had plans."

"Could have told me. It wouldn't have been a problem if you couldn't have come."

"No, I said I'd be over and here I am. Besides, I wasn't gonna leave my girl alone tonight, especially after what I heard happened."

Kate turned her eyes to Esposito. Maybe her little show wasn't as secret as she thought. He twisted to look around the apartment, his gaze dancing everywhere. "Nice place, Beckett. Like the decor."

"Gee, thanks." She moved toward Lanie. "And what did you hear about?"

"You and Castle. How come you didn't tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Her glare at Esposito deepened and he shifted uncomfortably in his jacket. She felt a little better knowing he probably wanted to be anywhere else but in front of her at that moment.

"Cool your heels, girl." Lanie said and placed a hand to Kate's arm. "It's about damn time you kissed the man."

Kate stuttered for words before she rounded on Esposito. "Can't keep things to yourself, can you?"

"Hey, I didn't even realize I said it. She's got some kind of voodoo." He held his hands up, backed up until he hit the counter.

"Why the hell were you spying?"

"Spying? Beckett I saw you from my desk. There are windows in that room. It's not a big deal."

"It's not?" She couldn't keep the heat in her voice controlled and she couldn't quiet explain why she was so mad. It just felt like the right emotion. "So, you tell everyone in the squad or just Lanie?"

"Just Lanie. Ryan doesn't even know it happened."

That was something at least. She was about to yell at him again when Lanie wheeled her around. "Javi, get some wine, huh?"

"I don't want wine." Kate said, felt her nose scrunch up in anger and tried her best to stop it.

"Well, I do. Come with me." Kate didn't fight the pull of Lanie as she took her to her home office. The room laid partially dark, thin light streaming through the shutters. After a moment Lanie got the desk lamp on and settled against the desk, titled her head. "Spill."

"Spill what?" Kate asked as she slipped her hands into her pockets, began to pace. "You already know."

"Only what he saw which probably got scrambled up and embellished in that male brain of his. I also don't know the why, or the how. Did he kiss you?"

She shook her head, bit her lip and chewed for a moment. "No, he didn't."

"Ah, and you took him home after?"

"Nothing happened." When Lanie just stared Kate sighed, placing a hand to her forehead. "Seriously, nothing happen between us."

"Is that why you came to work wearing the same clothes as the day before?"

"How-"

"I have my ways, so don't you worry." Kate had a feeling it was one of the uniforms who were milling about while she was there. They always gossiped. "So you kissed him and then took him home and spent the night at his place?"

"In not so many words."

"Did you..."

"Did I?" She paused in her pacing and stared. Her brows shot up when she realized what Lanie was suggesting. "No, nothing happened. I told you that."

"Well, something happened if you stayed overnight."

Kate gave another sigh, pulled out her desk chair and plopped down into it, crossing her arms over her chest. She could see Esposito in her kitchen searching like a man out of his element. She decided to take pity on him.

"The glasses are in the bottom cabinet. Check the rack next to the fridge for the wine, Esposito."

He looked up like a startled dog and then relaxed some, nodded.

"Don't change the subject." Lanie said from beside her.

"We didn't do what you're thinking. I gave him a ride home, helped him take his presents up and then I was going to leave but the power went out."

"And you didn't take advantage?"

"No. I didn't. Before that we decorated his tree some."

"Mhm."

"Lanie."

"Sorry, go on." Lanie said with a small smirk which Kate tried to remove with a glare. Her stares never seemed to work with Lanie. "What did you do?"

"Well, the power went out and we talked. We had some wine before hand so I was a little tipsy, I think."

"A little?"

"Yes, maybe a little. We were cuddled up on the couch and I asked him if we could make it."

"Cuddled up on the couch?" The smirk grew to a full smile. "Aw, that's kind of sweet. You kept each other warm?"

"Something like that." She shivered at the memory. "Anyway, I asked him if we could make it and-"

"Did he answer you?" Lanie reached out, took one of Kate's hands and squeezed. "Please tell me he answered you."

"No, not really." Kate squeezed back. "I didn't give him a chance as I blamed it on the wine. Then..." she chuckled and looked down to her feet. "Then we started talking about each other's mouths."

"And you still want me to believe all you did was cuddle and sleep?"

"Yes, because that is all we did." She slipped her hand free and crossed her arms again, this time a little tighter. "I woke up this morning and Alexis was there. We talked and I left without waking him."

"Why?"

She shrugged. She didn't really know why she didn't wake him. Maybe it was that she didn't want to start a conversation concerning them and what had happened last night. Maybe it was that she didn't want to look at him and know he was going to ask her about the kiss in the conference room again. She gave him an answer, but it wasn't a very good one.

"Kate, when are you going to let that man in?"

"What?"

"Don't what me, girl. You know what I'm talking about. You're shutting him out. Stop thinking of last night as a slip."

"Lanie, you don't-"

"I understand. I understand better than you think. You're not ready, right?"

"That's-no... not really. I don't know."

Lanie nodded, pushed off the desk and knelt down beside her. "Kate, you don't have to leap. That man has been around for what? Four years now?"

"Little over three."

Lanie smiled. "Okay, he's been around that long. Do you think he's going to leave just because you tell him you're not ready to just jump right in?"

She didn't think he'd run. No, not Castle. For all his faults running away wasn't one of them, especially when it came to her. What she did worry about was that aftermath of their relationship if it failed on take off. Could they go back to being friends? Could they deal with seeing each other with other people?

She could take the hit, it would hurt worse than a bullet, but she'd be able to live on. She wouldn't want to, she knew that. If she lost him, she'd be shattered even worse than last time.

"It's not that I don't want to dive in, I do. I'm just worried that..." She drew her lips into a thin line as she tried to think of the best way to put it. Lanie seemed to read her mind.

"He's not going anywhere. Even if this all blows up in your faces that man isn't leaving. He cares too deeply about you to do that, has too much invested too."

She laughed. "What exactly does he have invested?"

"His heart." Kate's breath caught for a moment until she forced her lungs to exhale. "He deserves a shot, Kate. So do you."

"Here's the wine." Kate looked up to find Esposito in the door way, two large glasses of wine in hand. He walked forward, handed one to Lanie and one to her. "You want a guy's opinion, Beckett?"

"I think I've had enough of your opinions. Remember what happened last time?"

"How was I suppose to know his ex-wife would show? That's not fair, Beckett."

She shrugged, took a sip of wine. "I don't see why it isn't."

He sighed, reached out and took Lanie's wine after she took a sip and took a gulp before handing it back. "Hey-"

"Sorry, needed the guts." He gave her a peck on the cheek before turning back to Kate. "Look, Beckett, I can't say I know how you feel, or what's going on in that head of yours. I don't think anyone really does, other than Castle and he's lost a lot of the time."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that he knows you better than anyone, other than maybe your father. You're sending him mixed signals though, confusing the hell out of him, and everyone else too. You're flirty one minute and then you shut him out the next. The guy is gonna go nuts soon."

"He's already nuts," Lanie said with a glance to Kate. "But he's nuts about someone."

"See, that's my point. He's out of his mind when it comes to you. Do you not see that?"

Kate felt her eyes burned, took a sip of wine for the same reason Esposito had. "Yes, I see it. I also explained to him why I couldn't move ahead. I don't want to ruin it with him, you guys."

"Well," Lanie said and looked to Esposito. They shared a knowing smile that made Kate feel a little uncomfortable. "You took a big step yesterday. How did that shake out?"

"Okay, I guess. I still don't have a real answer for why I did it."

"Can't just say because you wanted to? Or is that too simple?" Esposito asked. "Kissing isn't a sin, Beckett, especially when it's someone you care about. You could always say Santa made you do it."

Kate snorted a laugh. Lanie turned and smacked his arm and said, "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Esposito shrugged. "I don't know, maybe Castle made a wish and Santa granted it?"

"Yes, Santa just came down the chimney the other night and told me that was Rick's wish and so I kissed him. You need your head examined."

"Well, I'm sure Rick enjoyed it whether Santa told you to or not." Lanie said and Kate stared at her, confusion running over her body until she played back what she said. She almost dropped her head to her desk. "You talk to him today?"

"For a little, after I got home. He was a bit down that I didn't wake him."

"I bet."

"Lanie, come on..."

"What? I just said I bet, get your mind out of the gutter."

"But I like my mind there," Esposito said with a small grin which earned him another smack.

"What else did you talk about?" Lanie asked and held Kate's gaze.

"He asked me to come over."

"When?"

"Tonight. He wants me to spend Christmas with him and Alexis."

"That's a good thing, right?" Esposito said as he looked between the two women. "You're going, aren't you?"

"I don't know yet."

"You should go." Lanie said, her face serious. "You have no reason not to."

"Other then... Esposito can you leave us alone for a minute?" She said after she swallowed hard. He just nodded, headed back into the kitchen and she watched him for a moment. "Other then I'm scared out of mind."

"You're scared?"

"Yes, I get scared sometimes. Is that all right?"

Lanie laughed. "Don't get snippy. You know better than anyone that it's better to face what you're scared of. You're scared of spending Christmas with him and Alexis? Then I say do it. See what happens."

"I don't know..."

"At least think about it, huh?" Lanie reached out, placed a hand to Kate's shoulder. "Give it a shot, you may just find that it's what you needed all along."

"Yeah. Maybe." She downed the rest of her wine.

* * *

><p>As always, a special thanks to ChrisS who has to be tired of my over use of commas by now.<p> 


	5. Get Over That Old Out

**A/N: **_I had meant to finish this before Christmas, but time suddenly disappeared and a lot of things started happening that I hadn't planned for. So, it's a little late but I hope you enjoy it and that you had a very happy holiday, what ever you celebrate._

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

**Get Over That Old Out**

The clock ticked seconds of life away. Time seemed to speed by and all Rick could do was sit and wait. He wouldn't think about her anymore he decided, as he watched the gray and white movie on TV. Well, watching was a bit strong. He was seeing it, but his mind was somewhere else completely.

He wanted to see her again. It had been a whole day, and while he had spent much longer than that without seeing her this was almost painful. He shifted on the couch, felt Alexis move with him and looked down. She'd fallen asleep. He smiled down at her, rubbed her arm for a moment and then looked back to the TV.

It wasn't so bad, he had a lot to be grateful for, a lot to enjoy. It wasn't enough though, he didn't feel complete this evening.

She'd kissed him.

No pretense, no other reason than she wanted to. It was just a kiss, he thought and gave a frown. Just a kiss, something he has done hundreds of thousands of times.

This one was different. He knew already that kissing Kate meant so much more than kissing any other woman. After kissing her he felt like he could fly, felt like nothing could possible go wrong. Yes, the feelings were campy, but that made it no less true. He never got the thrill from other women that he got from Kate.

He sighed as a ghost of that thrill traveled through him. God, he hoped she would show up.

His phone buzzed on the table beside him and he reached out, careful not to move Alexis, and picked it up. He couldn't hold in the smile when he saw the text message from Kate. The one saying she was in the elevator coming up and that if he changed his mind it was too damn late because she was there.

He texted her back quickly. Told her he hadn't changed his mind and that the door was unlocked. She could come right in.

A minute later there was a hesitant click from the door and then it started to slowly open. He turned to see Kate peeking in and then searching out the room, not crossing the threshold. She was bundled up in a blue jacket with a scarf around her neck. She placed a bag down beside her as she turned and her eyes landed on him. He had to smile, had to rein in the laugh that threatened to bubble up because one, he didn't want to make her feel embarrassed and two he didn't want to wake Alexis.

"Hey," she said and walked to him. She began to undo her scarf, had it laying loose against her neck by the time she reached the couch.

"Wasn't sure if you'd make it." He said and moved a little bit to the side to clear the armrest which she sat against, pulled off her gloves.

"Wasn't sure if I would either. By the way, how do you change your kind and have a door undocked?"

"Sci-fi movie?" He said with a smile. For once auto-correct hadn't turned one of his texts into an embarrassing mess. "Did you eat?"

She nodded and stood to remove her coat. She laid it over the chair and then turned around, her hands sliding into the pockets of her jeans as she stared at the tree. There was a light in her eyes, a happiness that he hoped would never leave her. She didn't seem to feel that enough in his opinion. He wondered if her eyes lit up much since her mother died. It hurt to know that it probably didn't happen often.

He let his eyes trail over her, from the hair that laid in ringlets, framing her face to the red sweater with a white stripe across the chest. She looked stunning, but then when didn't she? She looked so relaxed, her lean body slouching slightly.

"It looks wonderful." She said, a smile taking over her lips as her eyes danced from one ornament to another. "You guys really filled it in."

"Alexis is a slave driver when it comes to the tree. We must have spent an hour with the last ten ornaments. They had to be in the perfect place."

Kate laughed, shrugged with elbows and sat in the chair. He felt a little pang of regret that she hadn't stayed by him on the armrest. "Can't argue with the results."

"There's no arguing with anything she does. It amazing how quickly she can turn something around so that you see things her way... reminds me of someone else."

"Oh? Who?"

"A certain detective." She gave a small laugh, breathy and soft. He could get use to that, he thought. "I'm really glad you're here."

"I'm pretty glad to be here. Looks like you had a lot of fun already." She said and pointed to the sleeping Alexis. "What'd you do to wear the poor girl out?"

"Lots of food and laughs, and a few stories. I guess it was too much food, she was out a few minutes after the movie started." He nodded to the TV and she turned to look at it. A crystal twinkled as it dangled from her ear and he took a moment to wonder how often he'd seen her wearing earrings.

"It's A Wonderful Life? I've always liked this movie."

"If you didn't I'd have to kick you out." He said as he shifted Alexis so that she laid against the couch. She grumbled in her sleep, moved so that her hands laid against her cheek and squinted her eyes closed. Rick couldn't help but stroke her hair once before he moved over to where Kate sat.

"I'd love to see you try."

"I'd call the cops."

"They wouldn't believe anything you said." She said as he reached for her hand, pulled her to her feet. He thought he saw a slight reluctance at first, when his fingers wrapped around hers, but it left just as quickly.

"People rarely do, though I tell the truth more often than you might expect."

"Haven't lied to me yet, that I know of." He froze slightly in his leading of her into the kitchen. She didn't know, couldn't know. That would be something for another night, when he finally could find a way to explain it. When he finally had something worth showing her. "Castle? You okay?"

"Fine," he said recovering quickly. When he reached the counter he dropped her hand and placed both of his on the counter. "So, you want a drink? Wine perhaps?"

"No, I've had enough wine tonight. Hot chocolate wouldn't go amiss, though." He grinned, turned to get it together. A few minutes later he sat a large mug in front of her with a mountain of whipped cream on top. She stared at for a moment before turning her eyes to him.

"Trying to give me diabetes?"

"No, not from the whipped cream. The amount of chocolate in the drink should do that on its own."

"Gee, thanks." She said which made him laugh. He grabbed a smaller mug for himself and came around the counter to sit down beside her. It was a little strange for her to be in his loft on Christmas, not in that she shouldn't be there, but how well she seemed to slide into the feeling of the place. He took a sip from the mug as he watched her dip her finger into the cream before bringing it to her mouth.

It was torture but he would never ask for her to stop.

"You and Lanie do anything scandalous?"

She took her finger from her mouth and turned her eyes to him, the ends if her lips lifting. "Such as?"

"I don't know, I just get this image in my head of what happens when you two get together."

"And what kind of image is that?" The smile went a little higher. "Just how bad do you think a cop and an M.E. could be?"

"Do you really want me to answer that? I'm seeing you two painting the town red."

"There are enough murderers out there to do that..." She squinted as if she'd been slapped. "Sorry, it's Christmas Eve, I shouldn't be thinking about that."

"Why? I do once in awhile." He shrugged, took a long sip. "About all those we've lost over the years."

"Same. Holidays are tough." She took a sip from her own mug and then sat it in front of her. Rick covered his mouth with his hand to keep his laughing quiet. She looked over, eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Nothing." He said through another spurt of laughter and she reached out, pulled on his arm.

"No, what's so funny?"

He grinned, reached out and wiped some cream from the tip of her nose, held it in front of her. "You have some on your lip too."

Her cheeks ran with a hint of color and she reached up to her lips, wiped it away and then placed her finger to her mouth. She then stared at him for a moment and he found himself frozen, locked in her gaze. She smirked at him, leaned forward and placed her mouth over his finger for only a second and then moved back, her eyes not meeting his anymore.

Rick's heart practically screamed in his chest, slamming into the rest of his organs like a hyperactive two year old. His mind sputtered, then denied that she just did that. He imagined it, of course, completely.

She licked her lips and turned her attention to the mug in front of her. She swirled the contents around and he finally swallowed hard, dropped his hand to the counter.

"So, I got you a gift." She said finally and he jerked in surprise, stared at her. "You know, since it's Christmas and everything."

"Yea-yeah. I got you something too."

"Coal?"

"Besides that, I uh, but it's not Christmas yet." He said and turned to the clock on the microwave that showed 11:30 in a blue glow.

"I won't tell if you won't." She said and Rick found he liked Kate like this, a little more daring and fun. She had shown this side to him from time to time, but never to this extreme. He almost wished the night would never end. "Come on."

She took his hand and he went without question. She walked to the bag by the door, picked it up and then, still holding his hand, led him to the small love seat that sat at an angle to the couch. He turned to check on Alexis. She was still out, breathing softly.

Kate released his hand as she sat down. He missed the touch immediately, but she didn't seem to notice as she began to dig through the bag of gifts. She pulled out a number of small packages and laid them in front of the tree before getting to a larger one. She picked it up, the cartoon Santa smiling with rosy checks stared at him from the wrapping paper.

"Here," She said as she pushed it into his hands.

"Awfully big box for coal. Doesn't that usually come in bags?"

"Just open it." She said and leaned forward, placed her elbows on her knees and her chin to a hand.

He ripped into the paper, but never took his eyes from her until the wrapping paper was cleared and he had to look. The box was a plain brown, untaped and he slowly opened it. Inside he found a porcelain elephant, much like those that sat on her desk. He pulled it out, a smile on his face and turned to look at her. She was watching him closely, hope and worry showing on her face.

"Elephants are said to never forget," she said and dropped her eyes. "It's a reminder that I'll never forget what you've done for me, Rick." She reached out, turned the white animal in his hands, tapped its head with a finger. "They also show their strength by pushing over trees. You told me that we may not be able to move the rubber tree plant, remember?"

He reached out, took her hand and squeezed. "I do."

"You were right, but I still think at some point we may be able to show our strength and move it. Maybe not yet, we may not be big enough. At least not by ourselves. But together?" Did she mean...? No, he pushed the idea away. She meant as partners, nothing more. "Maybe we can. I know it's not as cool as some tech gadget, but I thought..."

"I love it." He said and bent slightly to set it on the table and to catch her gaze. "I do."

"Good," she said and swallowed hard, offered a smile.

"I told you someday we will make them pay, Kate. I haven't forgotten, and this will remind me even more. But mostly, it'll remind me of you and that's always a good thing."

"Oh, is it?"

"Yes, without question." He wanted to kiss her. He would take the hit, or the glare just to taste her lips again. He leaned in, assumed she would lean back but she didn't. He caught her lips with his and she moved into him, her hands going to his chest. She didn't push him away. It was quick, a bit longer than a goodnight kiss would be. They pulled apart and, stared at each other, breath cool against each other's slightly wet lips.

"I hope that wasn't my present." She said after a moment, grinned. "Not that I'm complaining."

He laughed, stood and went to the tree. He bent down for a moment, his eyes gazing over glittering paper and large ribbon bows. He found the two small boxes with her name on the tags and came back to the couch. He couldn't help but be amused by the suspicious look she gave him when he sat down and handed her the first one.

"Two gifts?"

"They're small, and I promise not extravagant because you'd hate that."

"You're right, I would." She said and undid the ribbon that held the box together and pulled the lid off. She gave a small intake of breath and reached down to pull a clear, glass ornament from the box. Engraved at the top was an NYPD shield and beneath that her name and rank. A line of words were etched in cursive under her rank.

"To protect and serve. The badge means more to her than that. It means to care. To feel. Kate Beckett, you're still and will always be extraordinary." She read it out loud and gave him a full smile when she finished. "Thank you for this."

"I'm glad you like it. Do you want to put it on the tree? At least while you're here, I mean." She looked down to it and then to the tree, stood slowly. She found the place that he had left open for her, the empty branch in front. Once it was in place she turned it so that the tree lights glimmered behind it. She stared at it and then came back, the smile even bigger.

"You have another one."

"Don't know how you could top that." She said as she took the offered boxed.

"I can try." He said and motioned for her to open it. Inside was a tiny red bag and she picked it out, read the text on the front and gave a snorted laugh and just shook her head.

"Coal gum, jeeze, Castle." She turned to him, her eyes dancing with laughter.

"I told you I was getting you coal. Next year you should try to be better." She hit him which he jerked back from with a laugh. She then moved into him, laid against him with his arm around her shoulders. He tried to quiet his heart, but he had a feeling she could feel it still.

"What's going on?" He turned to see Alexis looking at them both, the heel of her hand rubbing one eye. It took her a moment to wake completely but when she did, she sat up and grinned. "Kate!"

"Merry Christmas, Alexis." Rick couldn't help but feel a little surprised that Kate didn't try to remove herself from where she was laying. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine, I see you got Dad's gifts."

Kate held up the bag of coal. "I did"

Alexis laughed. "I told him you might kill him for that one, but glad you didn't."

"He gets a reprieve, with the holidays and all." She said and he looked down at her as she smiled at him. He could stay like this forever.

Alexis stood from the couch, stretched and yawned. "Well, I think I'm gonna head to bed. Are you staying here tonight, Kate?"

"I, uh, I don't know yet."

"I hope so, Christmas morning is always fun." With that she left the room, slowly shuffling to the steps and then took them two at a time. She disappeared into the darkness of the hallway with a shouted 'Goodnight'.

"Will you stay?" Rick asked after a moment of them sitting in silence.

"Maybe, maybe not." He nodded and sighed. He turned his eyes to the TV where a commercial was playing, the song familiar to him and he had to grin. He turned to look at her which made her return the gaze with a confused look.

"But baby, it's bad out there."

"You want me to punch you in the ribs?" She asked with a laugh.

"No, your line is, 'What's in this drink?'"

"In your dreams, Castle."

"But baby, you'd freeze out there." He got a shot to the ribs and he shifted away from her fist.

"Keep calling me baby and you'll see how cold it is out there."

He leaned toward her, bent his head so to he could look down at her. "Get over that old out."

She smiled, sighed. "Baby," she touched his cheek and stroked it with her thumb. Rick was sure he was dreaming. "I guess it is cold outside, but being here has been so nice and warm."

She kissed him again, this time longer and with more emotion, more heat. It certainly did get warm, Rick thought as they parted and she snuggled in a little closer. "Is this a Christmas miracle?" he asked her.

She turned hooded eyes to him. "Merry Christmas, Rick."

He kissed the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Kate. Thanks for coming here for me."

"Always."

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><p><strong>AN: **

_Xonze closed the book with a smile as he looked over his readers. Most were awake, grinning ear to ear. Some gave a happy sigh and settled into where they were sitting, sleep slowly claiming them. He didn't blame them, the story had taken them into the late of night. He could feel his own body willing him to crash, but he had a few more things to do. _

_He stood, placed the book on the shelf next to an assortment of other bound volumes and then turned back. He stoked the fire and then grabbed a blanket and placed it over one of his sleeping readers. The dogs were laying near the window, snuggled up to another reader and he wondered if she had food somewhere that they were hoping to get. _

_He found ChrisS, thanked her again for all the help she gave him, and apologized again for his over use of commas. _

_"I'm trying, I swear." She laughed and nodded as she took another sip from her glass._

_He let his gaze travel over the group, feeling a sense of happiness that he hadn't failed. They had been entertain, had enjoy it a lot if their words were of any indication. "Merry Christmas to all of you, and have a happy New Year."_

_He left the room to clean up, his happiness growing by the moment. _


End file.
